Filed under Front Page Awesome

Our friend who has never seen Star Wars reacts to A New Hope

There are people in existence who have never seen any of the Star Wars movies. I have met only one. Last night, my friends and I received the following series of messages from that person.

December 10th 2015…

Screenshot_20151211-101004Screenshot_20151211-102327Screenshot_20151211-103207

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7 Steps to Success: Crash a High School Reunion

Long time, no post.

It looks like Hand Banana broke the silence a few months ago…..time for your good pal Bruno Sardine to get back to this whole posting of articles in a blog format.  CHEERS!

happy dance

A few things of note before we get started:

  • We tried the Twitter thing for a while.  It was fun but incredibly stressful for some reason.  Information streaming from all directions.  I have always dabbled in Twitter, but have never become a full blown user.   When I tried, I failed big time.  Anyhow, we are retiring the Twitter account until we find someone worthy of managing it.  I suck at Twitter.  #LOSER
  • Most of our posts seem to be rants about stuff that bothers us.  At first I was troubled by this, but then realized that is essentially why 99% of blogs exist.  It’s fun to make fun of things!  The whole saying of “making fun” is essentially that:  FUN!  Pointing out the shortcoming of others DOES bring joy to our lives!  And furthermore (Susan), the biggest part of learning awesome is knowing what is not awesome.
  • We are terrible people.

Back to the post!  I started writing this a while back during our never-ending winter, so some of the information is a little dated.  #apologies (also, did I mention I suck at Twitter?)

//Clears Throat

Hello friends of awesome.  I must say, it’s nice to be back on a binge of this thing we call life.  The sun is shining and the birds are chirping.  As east coast dwellers, we begin to witness the annual two-week period of people not complaining about the weather.  Life is pretty good.

This weeks episode is a helluva trip and one of our personal favorites.  A few years ago, the movie Wedding Crashers came out.  Wait…SHIT…..that was 9 years ago.  Fucking time, I swear.  All this talk of sequels to Anchorman and Dodgeball is throwing me off.  Anyhow, most people enjoyed Wedding Crashers.  Wedding Crashing quickly became all the rage.  Every bro’d out dude wanted to try it.  I think about 12 actually did.

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The Five People At My Gym Who Annoy Me(your results may vary)

1) The guy wearing a fleece pullover who yells a lot

Fleece not included, use your imagination.

Fleece not included, use your imagination.

Really man? Are you cold?  The balmy 70 degrees they keep this place too chilly for ya that you need to wear a fleece?  No, I don’t think you are.  Based on the screams that I can hear through my headphones I’d say that you’re looking for attention.  The camo fleece in the suburbs of VA says “I’m a bit of a tool” and your grunts say “Hey everybody, look over here” and together, all anyone hears is “Hey everybody! Look how big of a tool I am!”  But let me clue you in on a secret.  Nobody cares.  Not one person cares that you are squatting or benching or doing arm curls with a weight belt on.  Cut that shit out.

 

2) The guy who carries around a gallon jug of water.

 

Coming through guys, gotta get hydrated

Coming through guys, gotta get hydrated

Thirsty much? Hahahahaha…no but really, you know there’s a water fountain in the gym right?  Two of them in fact.  I have no idea why you need a whole gallon jug for the 40 minutes that you’re going to be here.  You’re working out your biceps, not getting supplies to hike through Death Valley.  There is no possible way you’re going to drink all that in one go, and it has to still kind of taste like milk.  Gross.  Get a normal water bottle like a normal person.

 

3) Everyone who wears these shirts

 

Only at the gym can you get away with this

Only at the gym can you get away with this

Ok Hans, we get it.  You like to work out.  So much so that you wear a shirt with another gyms name on it.  Hey, I like to be comfortable when I work out too but seriously, don’t make me look at your armpits while I do.  You’re like half a step away from being shirtless.  This means that you sweat on everything you even accidentally brush up against.  God forbid its crowded in there and you have to scoot past people and touch them.  Yuck.  This isn’t muscle beach and you aren’t Arnold.

 

4) The 8 kids who all come as a group and work out as such

 

Just 6-10 White Goodmans all using one bench

Just 6-10 White Goodmans all using one bench

Look, I don’t have a problem with people wanting to work out together.  I think that if you can get motivated by another person to be healthier, well good on you.  But why are there 8 of you all on one machine?  You guys are waiting like 20 min to get in 8 reps on a bench press and then just stand around flexing or whatever while everyone takes a turn.  You know when you go to a bar, and you’re with like 2 people and all you want to do is have a quiet drink and chill after work but you can’t cause theres a huge group of dudes in the corner who are just being asshats, and the whole bar knows they’re being asshats but they haven’t done anything to get kicked out and theres really no rule against being loud cause I mean you know, its a bar but jesus just shut the hell up and let me enjoy my drink?  That’s this group of dudes at the gym.

 

5) Whoever keeps leaving towels on machines like they’re saving a place but then never come back to use said machine.

WHERE ARE YOU MACHINE GUY?!

WHERE ARE YOU TOWEL GUY?!

I go to the gym at a time when not many people are there.  There is really no reason to “save” your place as there aren’t enough people to swoop in and snake your shit.  But, that being said, I have no problem if you want to save your place and go get some water or take a piss or whatever.  But WHO IN THE HELL keeps leaving their towel on machines and then walking away?!  That shit is deceptive and annoying.  Here I am walking into the gym, wanting to work on a specific machine and low and behold, I can’t, cause it appears theres someone working on it.  No problem,  thats fine.  But when I come back 30 min later and that towel is STILL THERE, then I’m annoyed.  Where did you go towel guy?  Are you ok?  Are you sweaty and unable to wipe yourself off in some parallel universe thats activated by the leg press?  We may never know.

Asheville NC Road Trip

LearnAwesome.com is taking a road trip to Asheville NC and you are invited. Partake in our study of this beer mecca of the East…… Live Twitter feed all weekend……. Cheers!

ILoveAshevilleBeer

 

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The Drinking Game You Should Be Playing Right Now

Wooo! Drinking! Woooo!

Wooo! Drinking! Woooo!

If there’s anything I like more than drinking, it’s drinking with people.   And if I can claim victory over those same people after playing ridiculous drinking games, then my night is made.  Beer pong, Kings, Asshole, Power Hour Movie Trivia, Landmines, and especially Relay are all drinking games that are made more enjoyable when you can cruch your opponents into small balls of wasted shame.

Fatality

Fatality

Of course, new games are always welcome and for my money, the best ones are the ones that involve lots of people, some sort of moving object, and an moderate physical activity.  Really gets you pumped up to go out and continue drinking much too much alcohol.

So, you can guess how excited I was when I discovered this video(via Vimeo):

Click the link! CLICK IT! I DEMAND YOU CLICK IT!

You’re Welcome.

Now, before you start with the whining lets just get some things out of the way.

  • Yes, I know the game is being played by a bunch of hipsters.  That doesn’t mean its a hipster game.
  • No,  I do not know where you are going to get a bunch of ping pong paddles and a table
  • What do you mean you don’t have 5 friends to play this with?  Beer exists so you can MAKE friends.
  • Yes, I want to have been playing this game since yesterday as well.

So get out there, rig yourself a table(beer pong table with a net made of solo cups?), make yourself some paddles(old hardback textbook cover?), get some friends over(Facebook, Twitter, Craigslist if you’re desperate) and get smashing drunk.

Cheers!

To the confusion of our enemies!  May they forever be skunked.

To the confusion of our enemies! May they forever be skunked.

 

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