Posted in January 2013

Replace Useful, Practical Knowledge with Music: “Sussudio”

Some believe the human brain does not have a limit of attainable knowledge.

Knowledge is infinite

 

“Knowledge is infinite.
There is no limit to knowledge.”

– A classic Chinese motto for the encouragement of students

 

I am always in awe of the Chinese dialect.  The 4 symbols to the left, when translated, say what it took us ‘Mericans & Brits 55 characters to “explain.”  The brush strokes have an artistic, curvaceous feel to them…….like driving a sporty convertible around the Autobahn while staring at a plump pair of boobs.

Curves!

In the mid to late 90’s, you were the tits (apparently all I think about) by having a tattoo of Chinese characters.

Anyhow, back to the knowledge is infinite motto.  I will go ahead and disagree with this statement a million times over.  Eventually, after decades of learning, knowledge DOES have a limit.  There comes a time when there is simply not enough room to keep it all.

Brain = Computer

The easiest way to illustrate the nature of the human mind is the Computer Hard Drive Analogy.

The Minority

The smartest of the smart (i.e. the minority of Americans) have a terabyte or so of space available to store information.  A select few have what would equate to one of those creepy Google data storage warehouses; rows and rows of storage racks to put smarts.

Google Data Warehouse

The Steve Jobs’s’s’s, the Stephen hawking’s, other smart guys named Steve

The Majority

The average person (i.e. the majority of Americans) has what would equate to a Commodore 64.

Yo....knowledge!

The Peter Griffin’s, Peter King’s, people who like the Big Bang Theory

Learning Capacity

Every piece of knowledge takes up space in the brain.  The more you learn, the more space you consume.   Whether Mac Book Pro or TI-83 Graphing Calculator, there is always a finite amount of space.  It may take forever and a day, but there will come a time when the memory is full.

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5 Things I’ve Learned Working in an Office

 

1)       Pretending to work is just as much work as actually working.  I mean really.  I work in my own space where only 2 other people can see what’s directly on my screen.  And that’s if they can be bothered to pry themselves off of bubble pop or Gawker.  Shit, half the time I work remotely from home.  FROM HOME!  That means I don’t even have to wear pants or shower.  I’d say on any given day I only do about 2 hours of real, hard work.  The rest of the time I pretty much zone out.  The “work” part comes in if a manager happens to walk by.  I seriously don’t know what half the people in my office actually do, if anything at all.

Yea boss, working on those reports right now

Yea boss, working on those reports right now

2)      Office folk are vultures when it comes to free stuff.  Of the occasion that food gets brought into the office, whether it’s leftovers from the big wigs corporate meeting or our own people trying to raise morale with cupcakes, anything that gets put out is gone in seconds.  It’s like watching a nature documentary where lions all fight to tear a hunk off the buffalo they killed.  Except in their case, those lions aren’t going to die of diabetes if they eat too many free buffaloes.  My favorite part is watching all the hideously out of shape people who claim to be on the company weight watchers plan try to pretend like they aren’t gonna grab that last piece of face cake from Sally in HR’s birthday.  Don’t act like you aren’t taking that corner piece, you know you are and so do I.

Back off that cake fatty

Back off that cake fatty

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The Transformation is Complete

FINAL

 

Here is Pitbull turning into a pitbull…or something.  Because I get bored at work and have mediocre Photoshop skills.  Thats why.  Don’t judge me.  Inspirational Pic

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Dumpster Magic

Do you believe in magic?  No…..?  That’s a shame.   Well, perhaps you believe in dumpsters?

Yes, just like the one above.  Ideally cleaner….Although it should be noted the cleanliness of the dumpster has little bearing on its potential for magic.

The Venue

Today’s tale takes place in the 13th most populous city in the entire United States.   This location is an outlyer and an oddity; an enclave of liberal politics amongst the DUBYA state.  Yes…..Dumpster Magic happened in

“Austin, Massachusetts”

“You mean Boston, Massachusetts?”

Yep!  Austin, Massachusetts Texas

//hopes the one person who got that reference enjoyed it

The former Republic of Texas takes a lot of grief from the rest of the country.  Particularly from California, who is sworn enemies of the lone star state.  Ask any Californian what they think of Texas.  It is diabolically comical how much the average person from California despises Texas.

//no longer governor, still hates Texas

Perhaps unbeknownst to the Golden State, some pretty fantastic things have come from Texas.  Most notably, something that started in Texas and is synonymous with the word “California.”

 

boobs

That’s right, fake boobs started in Texas.  According to Richard Connelly of the Houston Press:

“Houston was the epicenter for placing stupid-looking foreign objects into the breasts of perfectly fine-looking women so that they could then bleed dry the bank accounts of doctors, bankers and oilmen.”

Ouch!  Richard, why are you so angry about voluptuous bosom?   Are we not talking about awesome things from Texas?

What’s that?   This fact was posted on a 10 Worst Things About Texas List?  Come on Texas, we are trying to talk you up as a “not so bad” type of state……*sigh*

It is no wonder Wolfman Rob is howling his way out of your state

Wolfman Rob: No longer helping Texas be great

 

Aside from being in Texas, Austin is a very engaging city.    Austin, TX is the most UN-Texas place in Texas.  For example, they hold South by Southwest (SXSW) every year.

SXSW defintion #1:  a week+ long convention promoting innovations in interactive media, film and music (what you tell your parents/employer/whoever is paying the bill).

SXSW definition #2:  a great excuse to party non-stop while listening to awesome bands, learning about cool new tech. gadgets and raging on the streets of Austin (what it actually is).

Long story short, Austin is a musical mecca of progressive thinkers and fun loving individuals.  It is also the 2nd documented location of Dumpster Magic.

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Break Out Your Giant Scissors and Kiss A Baby, It’s Opening Day

Ok..so…first post on the ol’ site.  Let’s see let’s seeee.  Mic check?  Can you hear me?  IS THIS LOUD ENOUGH?  Yes?  Fantastic.  Well, let me be the first to welcome you to Learn Awesome.  A site dedicated to all things Awesome.  Being awesome, watching awesome, making awesome, and occasionally piecing together the awesome you did the night before with your friends because the memories are a bit fuzzy.

boozy

Memory status: Foggy

As we are building the site out to make it exactly what we want, please bear with us while it changes.   Eventually we want it to be filled with all the Awesome content we can think of and hopefully, all you can think of too.  Stories, pictures, ideas, and just about every bit of other nonsense is fair game as long as it can be quantified as, you guessed it, Awesome.

Topics may include, but are not limited to:

-Drinking and drinking related adventures

-Awesome stories that may or may not be true.  (You decide!)

-Guest writers providing awesome content of their own

-Awesome Photos, Quotes, and other submissions from our talented staff and loyal readers

Now, you may be reading this and thinking, “Hey, these guys seem like a bunch of egotistical dumps who think everything they do is cool.  What a buncha fucks.”  For those of you thinking this, first, have a beer and chill out.  No, we don’t think everything we do is awesome, just the majority of it.  When I decide to do anything I generally ask myself “Will this be fun?”  Because honestly, if it’s not fun, what the fuck are you doing?  I have found that 60% of the time, this strategy works every time to create/cause an awesome situation.

So.  I’m sure that my fellow admins will have some words to say on the opening of the site and I will leave them to that.  As for myself, there is bacon that needs cooking.  Awesome doesn’t create itself you know.  So, get out there, make some awesome and please to be enjoying Learn Awesome.com.